Author Topic: So what exactly is an open relationship?  (Read 8266 times)

Offline Colin Michael

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So what exactly is an open relationship?
« on: June 23, 2009, 12:44:45 AM »
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Facebook has this as an option of relationship status. Are there legal guidelines for these?
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Offline Master KChief

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2009, 12:49:54 AM »
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what do you mean by 'legal'? an open relationship just means a couple is open to seeing other people while they are together. i dont believe theres any legality to it.
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Offline Colin Michael

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2009, 12:51:15 AM »
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Okay, so like, can you been in multipule open relationships and why doesn't facebook have an option for that?
αθαvαTOι θvηTOι θvηTOι αθαvαTOι ζwvTεs TOv εKειvwv θαvαTov Tov δε εKεivwv βιOv TεθvεwTεs -Heraclitus

Offline DaClock

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #3 on: June 23, 2009, 12:51:31 AM »
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Wikipedia - An open relationship is a relationship (often between two people) in which the participants are free to have sexual intercourse with other partners. If the couple making this agreement are married, it is an open marriage.

Offline Master KChief

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2009, 12:56:09 AM »
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im not sure what you mean by 'multiple' open relationships...its generally a blanket term that will cover all of the relationships. but yes, technically, i suppose you could have multiple open relationships.
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Offline Colin Michael

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #5 on: June 23, 2009, 12:58:41 AM »
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im not sure what you mean by 'multiple' open relationships...its generally a blanket term that will cover all of the relationships. but yes, technically, i suppose you could have multiple open relationships.
Sweet.
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Offline Master KChief

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #6 on: June 23, 2009, 01:00:44 AM »
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lol. im not exactly sure where you're going or what you're getting at, but good luck. ;)
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Offline metalpsalm

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #7 on: June 23, 2009, 03:18:54 AM »
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im not sure what you mean by 'multiple' open relationships...its generally a blanket term that will cover all of the relationships. but yes, technically, i suppose you could have multiple open relationships.
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Offline CountFount

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #8 on: June 23, 2009, 07:40:09 AM »
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Its another way to disguise the biblical term adultry and fornication..The real meaning is your opening yourself up to a relationship with Satan.
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Offline Colin Michael

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #9 on: June 23, 2009, 10:10:01 AM »
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Its another way to disguise the biblical term adultry and fornication..The real meaning is your opening yourself up to a relationship with Satan.
Haha.


In all seriousness, the way I see it is that I don't enjoy girlfriend relationships; however, I do enjoy friendships with girls. Since I'm straight and not a monk, the happy medium seems to be the open relationship: the mean between friend and girlfriend. I also feel that it has more room for honesty, which is to me the only thing that really matters in a relationship.

I disagree with the concept of the "open marriage". A relationship, however, is not a marriage and, in my opinion, the open relationship skips lies, drama, and heartbreak as well as being ideal for people who are uncomfortable with long commitments.
« Last Edit: June 23, 2009, 10:18:58 AM by Colin Michael »
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Offline Cameron the Conqueror

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #10 on: June 23, 2009, 10:16:48 AM »
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You might define it as that, but if you told someone you were in an open relationship, that is not what they would think.  +1 with CountFount.

Offline Colin Michael

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #11 on: June 23, 2009, 10:20:56 AM »
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You might define it as that, but if you told someone you were in an open relationship, that is not what they would think.  +1 with CountFount.
What would they think, and does what they think have any direct negative effect on the relationship?

Also, what are the moral confines that regulate Christian dating? For example, does infidelity in a dating relationship hold the same weight as in marriage? Is infidelity in a "dating" relationship sinful?
« Last Edit: June 23, 2009, 10:26:07 AM by Colin Michael »
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Offline crustpope

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #12 on: June 23, 2009, 10:24:10 AM »
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In many ways an open relationship is really just a fancy way of saying that you are "friends with benefits" because if neither of you are committed enough to one another to expect fidelity, I would really not expect any closeness or depth to that relationship.  In fact it is probably based mostly, if not solely on sex.

The problem is that usually one party is more committed to the other and makes this compromise (i.e. allowing an open relationship) in order to try to retain some connection to the other.  The problem is that this only furthers the gap between them and the one party would likely continue to get more and more jealous and the other drift further and further away since they can find their physical need met in other relationships without all the "messy" emotional stuff.

usually it is the guy who wants an open relationship and so the girl conceeds in order to "keep" him.  Open relationships sound like every guys wildest dream, but the problem is that the long term onsequenses are devastating and often completely unforseen by men.  An open relationship does not generate the depth a relationship needs to survive long term and even those in an open relationship or an open marriage who stay together long term do not have the closeness that other have in similar closed marriages.  In fact it is more likely that in one of these reationships, both parties will find themselves estranged from one another and end up wasting years of their life that they could have used building a close relationship with someone.  Instead they find themeselves old, and alone at the end of their life.

It is just like any other sinful experience, it promises the answer to all your problems but instead it ends up sucking the very life out of you and leaving you with a hollow shell of what you truly desired in the first place.
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Offline Prof Underwood

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #13 on: June 23, 2009, 10:35:58 AM »
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You might define it as that, but if you told someone you were in an open relationship, that is not what they would think.  +1 with CountFount.
What would they think, and does what they think have any direct negative effect on the relationship?
They would probably think that you're sleeping around with various women.  And regardless of whether this hurts your relationships (which I think it would), it would definitely hurt your witness as a Christian (if you claimed to be one).

Also, what are the moral confines that regulate Christian dating? For example, does infidelity in a dating relationship hold the same weight as in marriage? Is infidelity in a "dating" relationship sinful?
Christians should only date someone if they think that person might be the person who God wants them to marry someday.  And if they are in a dating relationship with someone, they shouldn't date someone else before ending the first relationship.  As for infidelity (if you are speaking of sex), a Christian shouldn't have sex with anyone unless they are married to them.

Offline Colin Michael

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #14 on: June 23, 2009, 10:39:48 AM »
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I agree with many of both of your points, however, I don't think the points are universal, just common. Also, one can be emotionally "unfaithful" and not just sexually unfaithful.
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The Schaef

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #15 on: June 23, 2009, 01:59:35 PM »
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+1.  A "committed" relationship is exclusive.  A series of dates without deeper commitment doesn't need to be "defined" since you are still getting to know each other.

An open relationship tries to have it both ways, the deeper intimacy of a committed relationship, spending time together, becoming physically affectionate, perhaps even living together.  But at the same time, if you want to hook up with someone else (or more accurately, if I want to hook up with someone else, well, we're both adults, and much too sophisticated to restrict ourselves to arcane and obsolete social norms.  Marriage is just a piece of paper anyway, and all them married people get all them divorces, and we should just be free to love anyone we want any way we want.

I have friends who engage in open relationships, some of them intimate, so I understand that they are just doing what they believe comes naturally to them.  But actions have consequences, and like it or not, even outside of marriage people can form physical, emotional, even spiritual ties to other people that are not easily broken.  And usually, when those are broken, they leave a scar behind.

I believe people should be very careful about even getting into an exclusive relationship outside of marriage.  If you want to be with a person that badly, you should marry them; the marriage covenant is designed to meld two lives into one, and people need to understand beforehand what they are committing themselves to do for another person, without reservation.  If you don't know someone well enough to marry them, then that's what dates are for, to spend time with that person and learn who they are.

Getting into committed relationships outside of marriage limits both your options and that of the person you're with, and that puts unfair restrictions on both of you.  And if that person takes it as an emotional commitment, but you decide to move on, well, you've just ripped out someone's heart.  Claiming an "open" relationship just allows one more selfish act: attachment without commitment.  The problem is that attachment stems from committing yourself to something deeper.  And committing yourself says that you're gonig to stick to something and not back out.  It peels away all of the things that hold real relationships together.  It goes from hammering two boards together, to snapping Legos together, and then from snapping Legos to stacking blocks.

Marriages are faltering in the United States not because marriage is flawed or obsolete, but because people have been treating them like Legos instead of nailed boards.  Disillusioned people are going the other way and reducing relationships to stacked blocks.  That works well enough for its purpose, but clearly, you're settling for something that's not on the same level, and I would argue something that's not as deep and fulfilling.  The way to restore marriage, however, is to train people to understand that marraiage is nailed boards, and to show how that differs - for good and ill - from Legos and blocks.  Different relationships require different building materials.
« Last Edit: June 23, 2009, 11:13:24 PM by The Schaef »

Offline Master KChief

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #16 on: June 23, 2009, 10:03:30 PM »
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interesting points.

i've always understood that you should only get married if you want to give away half your stuff. :)
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Offline Claude

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #17 on: June 23, 2009, 10:25:07 PM »
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It's a casual relationship... a friends with benefits type of thing. It's actually pretty cool
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Offline Master KChief

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #18 on: June 23, 2009, 11:01:21 PM »
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no, fwb is exactly what you said...a casual relationship. you have to have a 'commited' relationship first to have an open relationship as well.
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The Schaef

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #19 on: June 23, 2009, 11:10:08 PM »
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It's a casual relationship... a friends with benefits type of thing. It's actually pretty cool

It's cool if serving your own desires is more important than serving the desires of others.

This is the poison that is contaminating meaningful relationships in modern society, marriage or otherwise: approaching them from the standpoint of what I get out of the deal.  A godly life is one of service and sacrifice, and godly relationships are built upon the way in which the best interests of the other person are the number one priority in your mind.  As much as this applies to all relationships, it applies more so to romantic ones, and infinitely more to marriages.

Loving someone enough to want to be with them isn't really all that hard.  I wonder how many people reading this post have ever loved someone so much that they would fight for someone other than themselves.  Someone better.  Someone deserving.  That's commitment.
« Last Edit: June 23, 2009, 11:21:13 PM by The Schaef »

Offline Claude

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #20 on: June 24, 2009, 12:41:09 AM »
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I couldnt agree more.
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Offline crustpope

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #21 on: June 24, 2009, 07:44:54 AM »
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It's a casual relationship... a friends with benefits type of thing. It's actually pretty cool

Then I assume you were joking about the "cool" part.  Unless you mean "cool" as in "the Frosty and bone Chilling emotional response from my partner when I tell her that I want to hook up with other chicks in a non-commital type of way."  If that is the case then, yeah, an open relationship is "cool"
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Offline Claude

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #22 on: June 24, 2009, 10:50:47 AM »
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Why would u assume that? You know what they say if u assume
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The Schaef

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #23 on: June 24, 2009, 12:08:05 PM »
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He assumes that because your previous two posts seem to contradict each other.  One of them would likely be sarcastic, and his assumption stemmed from the hope that your true feelings were more closely mapped to the sentiment that was concerned about the feelings of other people.

Offline Claude

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Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
« Reply #24 on: June 24, 2009, 03:51:03 PM »
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He assumes that because your previous two posts seem to contradict each other.  One of them would likely be sarcastic, and his assumption stemmed from the hope that your true feelings were more closely mapped to the sentiment that was concerned about the feelings of other people.
You would not know that unless he PMed you... you are assuming that that is what he is thinking, which chances are, you are right.. but you are still assuming.
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