19 may be an uncommonly early age to get married in our society, but it isn't in a lot of places (and times). And in fact, I think it is better to get married while you are still kind of deciding who you are (in other words as early as possible), because then you can kind of "meld together" more easily with your spouse, and it will define you more...if that makes any sense.My mom got married young...to my dad.
But hey, don't listen to me. I'm only 16. :P I'll still be praying for you though.
My mom got married young...to a pickle. :P19 may be an uncommonly early age to get married in our society, but it isn't in a lot of places (and times). And in fact, I think it is better to get married while you are still kind of deciding who you are (in other words as early as possible), because then you can kind of "meld together" more easily with your spouse, and it will define you more...if that makes any sense.My mom got married young...to my dad.
But hey, don't listen to me. I'm only 16. :P I'll still be praying for you though.
i married when i was 23 and my wife was 18 we were high school sweet hearts me senior her freshman when we started dating and we will be married 2 yrs this june 28That's really cool. :)
My mom got married young...to a pickle. :P
I married my wife when I was 21 and my wife was 20. We were engaged when I was 20 and she was 19. We'd been dating since I was 16.6 and she was 15.9. We were both fairly mature, good students, responsible, and fairly strong in our faith. I think that makes a difference, but each situation is different. It is wise to let God lead you though His Spirit and though your spiritual mentors.Amen.
Also, don't get married if your best man has ticked of a Spaniard by killing his Dad.Absolute wyn.
God listens to His people, and maybe you could let Him know I'm not ready yet.The rest of you seem to have missed it. Great encouragement, but I still don't know if I want to get married at all, much less now.
Also, don't get married if your best man has ticked off a Spaniard by killing his Dad.Or if your hired Cicilian is found poisoned near the Guilder frontier.
Other advice regarding how to know that she's the one:
1. You can commit to love her the rest of your life even if none of those annoying things about her ever change.
2. You can commit to love her the rest of your life even if some of the great things about her do change.
3. Your relationship with her brings you closer to God and doesn't push you farther away from him.
4. Your differences are in the minor things and your similarities are in the major things.
5. You are totally honest with her and she with you.
6. You can resolve problems with each other constructively.
7. You have fun together.
8. You help each other to grow to be better people.
9. You are not only both Christians, but are also of approximately equal spiritual depth.
10. You have compatible "life callings" from God (ie. not 1 called to be a jungle missionary and the other called to be a corporate lawyer)
I didn't miss anything, and neither does God. He knows whether or not you are ready for marriage better than you do, and you don't need to "let Him know" that you aren't ready.God listens to His people, and maybe you could let Him know I'm not ready yet.The rest of you seem to have missed it. Great encouragement, but I still don't know if I want to get married at all, much less now.
...They'll tell me I'm way too young/poor/bad of a Redemption player to get married."...Prof, I can't answer...fully yes to one of them...In that case, you're too young/poor/bad of a Redemption player to get married :)
-C_SAt first I was like, "What the heck is wrong with your face?!" :rollin:
-C_SAt first I was like, "What the heck is wrong with your face?!" :rollin:
i dont get it ???-C_SAt first I was like, "What the heck is wrong with your face?!" :rollin:
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
i dont get it ???-C_SAt first I was like, "What the heck is wrong with your face?!" :rollin:
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Much better....They'll tell me I'm way too young/poor/bad of a Redemption player to get married."...Prof, I can't answer...fully yes to one of them...In that case, you're too young/poor/bad of a Redemption player to get married :)
Other advice regarding how to know that she's the one:
1. You can commit to love her the rest of your life even if none of those annoying things about her ever change.
2. You can commit to love her the rest of your life even if some of the great things about her do change.
3. Your relationship with her brings you closer to God and doesn't push you farther away from him.
4. Your differences are in the minor things and your similarities are in the major things.
5. You are totally honest with her and she with you.
6. You can resolve problems with each other constructively.
7. You have fun together.
8. You help each other to grow to be better people.
9. You are not only both Christians, but are also of approximately equal spiritual depth.
10. You have compatible "life callings" from God (ie. not 1 called to be a jungle missionary and the other called to be a corporate lawyer)
I've been praying and seeking on my own, and I've only determined one thing: I need help. Maybe it was wrong of me to ask you guys, (you've been nothing but helpful) or maybe I'm just messed up beyond belief.
Two things are for sure:
1.) I'm going to get married sometime in the future
2.) I really, really don't want to.
To my knowledge, you aren't messed up (Although I feel that way too :-\)Just wait until you read my testimony. I have been seriously messed up before, and it's only by the grace of God that I'm able to send you this message today.
I can answer yes to 8 of them about my girlfriend, and don't say no to any of them. Does that mean I should get married anytime soon? Probably not. :).I think it means that you should work on the other 2 :)
The same goes with marriage. Just start. It'll get better over time. :)On the one hand you are right that a good marriage does get better with time (12th anniversary was Sunday). On the other hand advising people to just get married regardless of problems and just hope they work out is naive.
I only met six of those conditions when I got married almost 17 years ago. I guess I better dump her, quick. ;)Since I've met you and your wife, I know that in your case it worked out great. God has blessed you both! However, I don't think that you would recommend most of our forum members to follow the life that you lived would you? I think they should make decisions looking at how they are likely to work out as opposed to looking at the exceptions. Sure you might take a LS attacking with a 1/1 hero and no GEs every once in a while (when your opponent hasn't happened to draw an EC yet), but generally that isn't a good strategy :)
I've been praying and seeking on my own, and I've only determined one thing: I need help. Maybe it was wrong of me to ask you guys, (you've been nothing but helpful) or maybe I'm just messed up beyond belief.
Two things are for sure:
1.) I'm going to get married sometime in the future
2.) I really, really don't want to.
On the one hand you are right that a good marriage does get better with time (12th anniversary was Sunday). On the other hand advising people to just get married regardless of problems and just hope they work out is naive.I don't believe that's what I said. If you live in a den of bears, don't marry a bear. You need to use a little bit of common sense. Like for example, you should probably find a mate who is also a Christian. I think it might even say that somewhere in the Bible, though I couldn't say where. (Solomon comes to mind here.) Also, although it may be appropriate in rare occassions, marrying someone with an age difference of 20 years or more is probably not a good idea most of the time. Etc...
However, I don't think that you would recommend most of our forum members to follow the life that you lived would you?
I think they should make decisions looking at how they are likely to work out as opposed to looking at the exceptions.
[ Like for example, you should probably find a mate who is also a Christian. I think it might even say that somewhere in the Bible, though I couldn't say where.
Actually I believe an even better example of this is found in one of the 4 Gospels in which Christ mentions that you should not be unequally yoked.
Actually I believe an even better example of this is found in one of the 4 Gospels in which Christ mentions that you should not be unequally yoked.
That just means that you and your wife should be about the same height and weight. ;)
If pulling heavy loads that is.
you should probably find a mate who is also a Christian...However, the most important thing to remember is to follow God's callFollowing "God's call" sounds great, and is a great idea. However, that is a very subjective and feelings-based way to live life without some objective source to check it against. That source should be the Bible. And according to the Bible if you are a Christian, you DEFINITELY should find a mate who is also a Christian. You may "feel God calling" you to do otherwise, but that "feeling" is NOT from God. God does not contradict Himself and His Word. This type of ambiguity that you state above is why I think it is so important for people to use logic to make decisions more than they use feelings.
That's pretty presumptuous to think my past had anything to do with my ability to meet the conditions of your list...I'm certain there are just as many (if not more) couples who met all ten of your suggestions and still got divorced after a few years...1 - I don't mean to insult you or your choices from your youth. I just know that you've been open on the forum about how you made some bad choices a long time ago and how God transformed your life. I didn't know how far back that was, but if you've been married 17 years, I imagined that it wasn't too long before that (you don't seem that old). I apologize for any offense there.
Sometimes faith supersedes logic.Please see my response to BB above.
bad of a Redemption player to get married."Ahahaha, that's pretty funny.
I have had over a 100% in every religon class sence 6th grade, this includes the normal bible stories, a Church docrine class to a class that we explore and learn about other religons. and the Girl I am Dating right now is really a dream.Stick to religion and not literature/grammar. :P
Following "God's call" sounds great, and is a great idea. However, that is a very subjective and feelings-based way to live life without some objective source to check it against. That source should be the Bible. And according to the Bible if you are a Christian, you DEFINITELY should find a mate who is also a Christian. You may "feel God calling" you to do otherwise, but that "feeling" is NOT from God. God does not contradict Himself and His Word. This type of ambiguity that you state above is why I think it is so important for people to use logic to make decisions more than they use feelings.You seem to be twisting my words again. I never said it was okay for a Christian to marry a non-Christian. I just wasn't sure whether it said something on the matter in the Bible (and I still am not because I haven't seen a scripture reference yet), and if it doesn't then I don't want to be presumptuous and say that Christians must marry Christians.
(and I still am not because I haven't seen a scripture reference yet)
14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2 Corinthians 6:14
14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?Okay, thank you. I thought there was a verse about that. So, you should strive to find a fellow Christian as a mate.
2 Corinthians 6:14
14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?Okay, thank you. I thought there was a verse about that. So, you should strive to find a fellow Christian as a mate.
2 Corinthians 6:14
However, I still might say that since these are Paul's words from a letter and not one of God's ten commandments or anything there could be a case in which God calls you to marry a non-Christian, or at least marry someone in the future who is not a Christian in the present.
I've been praying and seeking on my own, and I've only determined one thing: I need help. Maybe it was wrong of me to ask you guys, (you've been nothing but helpful) or maybe I'm just messed up beyond belief.
Two things are for sure:
1.) I'm going to get married sometime in the future
2.) I really, really don't want to.
I have the opposite status of both these points, I really want to get married, but as of now I have no girlfriend, or any prospects, and all the women I know are either married, 10 years older, 10 years younger, or related to me.This was me before God started speaking to me about this. I would work on my career, and He'd find me a wife. Simple as pie. Now, I've improved tremendously in my spiritual life, and my career, while not exactly taking off, is definitely taxing to the runway.
In matters like this, I have found that the laid back approach works the best. I am much more at peace since I stopped worrying about how God would lead me to a wife, and just trusting that he would. If marriage is really what God wants for you, ask God to change your heart on the matter, otherwise ask for peace about not wanting to be married.
SK - can you explain this a little better? Is it "there is someone in my life and I'm not sure I want to marry HER", or "there is no one in my life and I am not sure I ever want to MARRY at all"?Er... There is someone in my life, and I'm not sure I ever want to marry at all. The latter opinion was formed before her.
I'll be praying for you.
However, the most important thing to remember is to follow God's call, and don't try to fool your own instinct. Don't use your own convoluted reasoning to decide whether you are ready to get married. If you are apprehensive about the idea of getting married despite knowing that God wants you to, don't excuse yourself out of it by using a long list of qualifications which you know you cannot fulfill.^Thank you very much. I needed to hear this.
You are most welcome kind sir. :)However, the most important thing to remember is to follow God's call, and don't try to fool your own instinct. Don't use your own convoluted reasoning to decide whether you are ready to get married. If you are apprehensive about the idea of getting married despite knowing that God wants you to, don't excuse yourself out of it by using a long list of qualifications which you know you cannot fulfill.^Thank you very much. I needed to hear this.
I seem to have a knack for starting discussion.Yeah, honesty will do that. ::)
From what I hear, Post-Marriage sounds great. It's the before stuff I don't like. My ideal wedding would be any one that occurred yesterday. Getting into and keeping personal relationships alive is hard for me, albeit getting easier. I'm also a chronic worrier, and that doesn't help one bit.
I guess it could be summed up as "I'm afraid of what could go wrong". Brilliant, I know.
Sometimes faith supersedes logic.Please see my response to BB above.
since these are Paul's words from a letter and not one of God's ten commandments or anything there could be a case in which God calls you to marry a non-ChristianThis is the exact thing that I'm trying to avoid here. Christians should not try to find loopholes when following the Bible. If God's Word says to not marry non-Christians, then it doesn't matter if it is in the 10 commandments, or the letters of Paul, or the recorded words of Christ Himself. The whole Bible is true and should be followed by all Christians.
Your response to BB was about feelings vs. logic. I was talking about faith. If you think I can't tell the difference, then it appears you are not as sorry about insulting me as you stated.Man you really are trying to be insulted by me regardless of how hard I try not to :)
The problem that I have is that it seems like there are a lot more people who call themselves Christians and do the 2nd thing, than there are who do the 1st thing.
Man you really are trying to be insulted by me regardless of how hard I try not to :)
Let's not get so offended here.
I had a feeling this would come up. Honestly, I'm still not really sure where I stand on the issue of 100% authority of everything in the canonical Bible. I don't believe that God would allow hundreds of generations to be fooled by the mistakes of man into believing that certain writings are the Word of God when they are not. Then again, we have to take things in context and realize that the collection of books which we know of as the Bible have been compiled by men. They were probably influenced by God, but they were still men. I'm pretty sure Paul doesn't say in (at least most of) his Epistles that his writings were directed by God, although they very well may have been. So why did the early church leaders decide that they were appropriate additions to the Bible? Perhaps this is where a level of faith which I do not have is required.since these are Paul's words from a letter and not one of God's ten commandments or anything there could be a case in which God calls you to marry a non-ChristianThis is the exact thing that I'm trying to avoid here. Christians should not try to find loopholes when following the Bible. If God's Word says to not marry non-Christians, then it doesn't matter if it is in the 10 commandments, or the letters of Paul, or the recorded words of Christ Himself. The whole Bible is true and should be followed by all Christians.
I found it insulting that you would think I fall into the second category.I don't actually think that YOU do. A LOT of the time when I am posting on threads like this, I have an overall point that I am
No need to worry. There's no permanent damage here. Prof and I go wayyyy back. We've known each other for...what......a couple months now.... ;)We have known each other in person for about that long, but we've been interacting here on the boards for years. And I'm very glad that there's no permanent damage. To quote an old commercial for an inappropriate beverage...I love you man!
I don't believe that God would allow hundreds of generations to be fooled by the mistakes of man into believing that certain writings are the Word of God when they are not...So why did the early church leaders decide that they were appropriate additions to the Bible?I completely agree that God would not allow His message to all people throughout all time to be misleading. The early church leaders decided which books to put in the Bible based on which books were already accepted by the Jewish people (for the Old Testament) and which books were written by people who had direct contact with Jesus (for the New Testament). But regardless of their methods, I believe that God inspired them to pick the right ones :)
This seems to be not only the easiest standpoint to remember, but also the one that puts God in the best position, so I am probably going to assume this point of view, although I will need to contemplate a bit more. I will (at least for now) recant my belief that it is okay for a Christian to marry a non-Christian.QuoteI don't believe that God would allow hundreds of generations to be fooled by the mistakes of man into believing that certain writings are the Word of God when they are not...So why did the early church leaders decide that they were appropriate additions to the Bible?I completely agree that God would not allow His message to all people throughout all time to be misleading. The early church leaders decided which books to put in the Bible based on which books were already accepted by the Jewish people (for the Old Testament) and which books were written by people who had direct contact with Jesus (for the New Testament). But regardless of their methods, I believe that God inspired them to pick the right ones :)
I also believe that girls should shut up in church. ;)Let's not open THAT can of worms in this thread :)
Oookaaay... *duct tape* :)QuoteI also believe that girls should shut up in church. ;)Let's not open THAT can of worms in this thread :)
From what I hear, Post-Marriage sounds great. It's the before stuff I don't like. My ideal wedding would be any one that occurred yesterday. Getting into and keeping personal relationships alive is hard for me, albeit getting easier. I'm also a chronic worrier, and that doesn't help one bit.
I guess it could be summed up as "I'm afraid of what could go wrong". Brilliant, I know.
Don't worry about that, this is the internet! There aren't any girls here.Oookaaay... *duct tape* :)QuoteI also believe that girls should shut up in church. ;)Let's not open THAT can of worms in this thread :)
On top of my previous post, God has spoken to me three times in the past 24hrs. about marriage. Without getting into specifics, I don't think I'm ready in the least. I'm 19, for Pete's sake!I doubt this will help, but my parents were 19, and 18 when they got married, and everything turned out good for them.
If you guys could ask for guidance/hearing/whatever, that'd be a great help. God listens to His people, and maybe you could let Him know I'm not ready yet.
Thanks for that. Encouragement is good.On top of my previous post, God has spoken to me three times in the past 24hrs. about marriage. Without getting into specifics, I don't think I'm ready in the least. I'm 19, for Pete's sake!I doubt this will help, but my parents were 19, and 18 when they got married, and everything turned out good for them.
If you guys could ask for guidance/hearing/whatever, that'd be a great help. God listens to His people, and maybe you could let Him know I'm not ready yet.
Dude, Somekittens, the last time I said that, I got attacked!*glances around* Looks like I'm right.
Don't worry about that, this is the internet! There aren't any girls here.Oookaaay... *duct tape* :)QuoteI also believe that girls should shut up in church. ;)Let's not open THAT can of worms in this thread :)
As silly as it may seem to take advice from someone who doesn't exist, I agree with the above.
Don't worry about that, this is the internet! There aren't any girls here.Oookaaay... *duct tape* :)QuoteI also believe that girls should shut up in church. ;)Let's not open THAT can of worms in this thread :)
I feel insulted, SomeKittens.
Despite your ignorance on the matter of feminine presence on this forum, I'll give you my :2cents:.
I remember reading in a book awhile back, and in it, the 'sage' character asked the main character if he felt ready for the particular task he was called to. (I think it was something about being a king.) The character said he didn't feel ready, and the 'sage' character told him that it was because he didn't feel ready that, in actuality, he was ready.
Sometimes God calls us to things that we don't feel like we are ready for, yet it is taking that step of faith and trusting in the Lord to be our security that brings about spiritual growth. Life isn't about doing the things we're 'ready' for; that would be boring. It's about saying, "Okay Lord, where to next?"
~Britta
I disagree....why?....because your a girl.Don't worry about that, this is the internet! There aren't any girls here.Oookaaay... *duct tape* :)QuoteI also believe that girls should shut up in church. ;)Let's not open THAT can of worms in this thread :)
I feel insulted, SomeKittens.
Despite your ignorance on the matter of feminine presence on this forum, I'll give you my :2cents:.
I remember reading in a book awhile back, and in it, the 'sage' character asked the main character if he felt ready for the particular task he was called to. (I think it was something about being a king.) The character said he didn't feel ready, and the 'sage' character told him that it was because he didn't feel ready that, in actuality, he was ready.
Sometimes God calls us to things that we don't feel like we are ready for, yet it is taking that step of faith and trusting in the Lord to be our security that brings about spiritual growth. Life isn't about doing the things we're 'ready' for; that would be boring. It's about saying, "Okay Lord, where to next?"
~Britta
What is this legendary female creature of whom u speak?I disagree....why?....because your a girl.Don't worry about that, this is the internet! There aren't any girls here.Oookaaay... *duct tape* :)QuoteI also believe that girls should shut up in church. ;)Let's not open THAT can of worms in this thread :)
I feel insulted, SomeKittens.
Despite your ignorance on the matter of feminine presence on this forum, I'll give you my :2cents:.
I remember reading in a book awhile back, and in it, the 'sage' character asked the main character if he felt ready for the particular task he was called to. (I think it was something about being a king.) The character said he didn't feel ready, and the 'sage' character told him that it was because he didn't feel ready that, in actuality, he was ready.
Sometimes God calls us to things that we don't feel like we are ready for, yet it is taking that step of faith and trusting in the Lord to be our security that brings about spiritual growth. Life isn't about doing the things we're 'ready' for; that would be boring. It's about saying, "Okay Lord, where to next?"
~Britta
On a side note, I read the comment about the lack of girls on the internet and thought to myself "I hope Britta finds this thread" and sure enough... she did. ;)
my friend whose 20 got married to a girl he met 3 weeks before the marriage and she had a kid already and 1 month later shes divorcing and asking for child support.........................be wary of women that are "w" itches
she had a kid already18 warning lights should have gone off in his head there.
A relative of mine was 24 when he married his girlfriend (she was 18). She was already pregnant when they first met. The father of the child was her high school prom date. My relative knew the risks, but was certain it was love.
They have been married for 11 years now and have a second child all their own, and no they do not play favorites.
Bottom line: be careful, be smart, but sometimes love supercedes logic (i.e. God loved us first)
Bottom line: be careful, be smart, but sometimes love supercedes logic (i.e. God loved us first)