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Open Forum => Off-Topic => Topic started by: Colin Michael on June 23, 2009, 12:44:45 AM

Title: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Colin Michael on June 23, 2009, 12:44:45 AM
Facebook has this as an option of relationship status. Are there legal guidelines for these?
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Master KChief on June 23, 2009, 12:49:54 AM
what do you mean by 'legal'? an open relationship just means a couple is open to seeing other people while they are together. i dont believe theres any legality to it.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Colin Michael on June 23, 2009, 12:51:15 AM
Okay, so like, can you been in multipule open relationships and why doesn't facebook have an option for that?
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: DaClock on June 23, 2009, 12:51:31 AM
Wikipedia - An open relationship is a relationship (often between two people) in which the participants are free to have sexual intercourse with other partners. If the couple making this agreement are married, it is an open marriage.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Master KChief on June 23, 2009, 12:56:09 AM
im not sure what you mean by 'multiple' open relationships...its generally a blanket term that will cover all of the relationships. but yes, technically, i suppose you could have multiple open relationships.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Colin Michael on June 23, 2009, 12:58:41 AM
im not sure what you mean by 'multiple' open relationships...its generally a blanket term that will cover all of the relationships. but yes, technically, i suppose you could have multiple open relationships.
Sweet.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Master KChief on June 23, 2009, 01:00:44 AM
lol. im not exactly sure where you're going or what you're getting at, but good luck. ;)
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: metalpsalm on June 23, 2009, 03:18:54 AM
im not sure what you mean by 'multiple' open relationships...its generally a blanket term that will cover all of the relationships. but yes, technically, i suppose you could have multiple open relationships.
Sweet.
A.K.A "An excuse to do what you want"
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: CountFount on June 23, 2009, 07:40:09 AM
Its another way to disguise the biblical term adultry and fornication..The real meaning is your opening yourself up to a relationship with Satan.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Colin Michael on June 23, 2009, 10:10:01 AM
Its another way to disguise the biblical term adultry and fornication..The real meaning is your opening yourself up to a relationship with Satan.
Haha.


In all seriousness, the way I see it is that I don't enjoy girlfriend relationships; however, I do enjoy friendships with girls. Since I'm straight and not a monk, the happy medium seems to be the open relationship: the mean between friend and girlfriend. I also feel that it has more room for honesty, which is to me the only thing that really matters in a relationship.

I disagree with the concept of the "open marriage". A relationship, however, is not a marriage and, in my opinion, the open relationship skips lies, drama, and heartbreak as well as being ideal for people who are uncomfortable with long commitments.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Cameron the Conqueror on June 23, 2009, 10:16:48 AM
You might define it as that, but if you told someone you were in an open relationship, that is not what they would think.  +1 with CountFount.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Colin Michael on June 23, 2009, 10:20:56 AM
You might define it as that, but if you told someone you were in an open relationship, that is not what they would think.  +1 with CountFount.
What would they think, and does what they think have any direct negative effect on the relationship?

Also, what are the moral confines that regulate Christian dating? For example, does infidelity in a dating relationship hold the same weight as in marriage? Is infidelity in a "dating" relationship sinful?
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: crustpope on June 23, 2009, 10:24:10 AM
In many ways an open relationship is really just a fancy way of saying that you are "friends with benefits" because if neither of you are committed enough to one another to expect fidelity, I would really not expect any closeness or depth to that relationship.  In fact it is probably based mostly, if not solely on sex.

The problem is that usually one party is more committed to the other and makes this compromise (i.e. allowing an open relationship) in order to try to retain some connection to the other.  The problem is that this only furthers the gap between them and the one party would likely continue to get more and more jealous and the other drift further and further away since they can find their physical need met in other relationships without all the "messy" emotional stuff.

usually it is the guy who wants an open relationship and so the girl conceeds in order to "keep" him.  Open relationships sound like every guys wildest dream, but the problem is that the long term onsequenses are devastating and often completely unforseen by men.  An open relationship does not generate the depth a relationship needs to survive long term and even those in an open relationship or an open marriage who stay together long term do not have the closeness that other have in similar closed marriages.  In fact it is more likely that in one of these reationships, both parties will find themselves estranged from one another and end up wasting years of their life that they could have used building a close relationship with someone.  Instead they find themeselves old, and alone at the end of their life.

It is just like any other sinful experience, it promises the answer to all your problems but instead it ends up sucking the very life out of you and leaving you with a hollow shell of what you truly desired in the first place.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Prof Underwood on June 23, 2009, 10:35:58 AM
You might define it as that, but if you told someone you were in an open relationship, that is not what they would think.  +1 with CountFount.
What would they think, and does what they think have any direct negative effect on the relationship?
They would probably think that you're sleeping around with various women.  And regardless of whether this hurts your relationships (which I think it would), it would definitely hurt your witness as a Christian (if you claimed to be one).

Also, what are the moral confines that regulate Christian dating? For example, does infidelity in a dating relationship hold the same weight as in marriage? Is infidelity in a "dating" relationship sinful?
Christians should only date someone if they think that person might be the person who God wants them to marry someday.  And if they are in a dating relationship with someone, they shouldn't date someone else before ending the first relationship.  As for infidelity (if you are speaking of sex), a Christian shouldn't have sex with anyone unless they are married to them.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Colin Michael on June 23, 2009, 10:39:48 AM
I agree with many of both of your points, however, I don't think the points are universal, just common. Also, one can be emotionally "unfaithful" and not just sexually unfaithful.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: The Schaef on June 23, 2009, 01:59:35 PM
+1.  A "committed" relationship is exclusive.  A series of dates without deeper commitment doesn't need to be "defined" since you are still getting to know each other.

An open relationship tries to have it both ways, the deeper intimacy of a committed relationship, spending time together, becoming physically affectionate, perhaps even living together.  But at the same time, if you want to hook up with someone else (or more accurately, if I want to hook up with someone else, well, we're both adults, and much too sophisticated to restrict ourselves to arcane and obsolete social norms.  Marriage is just a piece of paper anyway, and all them married people get all them divorces, and we should just be free to love anyone we want any way we want.

I have friends who engage in open relationships, some of them intimate, so I understand that they are just doing what they believe comes naturally to them.  But actions have consequences, and like it or not, even outside of marriage people can form physical, emotional, even spiritual ties to other people that are not easily broken.  And usually, when those are broken, they leave a scar behind.

I believe people should be very careful about even getting into an exclusive relationship outside of marriage.  If you want to be with a person that badly, you should marry them; the marriage covenant is designed to meld two lives into one, and people need to understand beforehand what they are committing themselves to do for another person, without reservation.  If you don't know someone well enough to marry them, then that's what dates are for, to spend time with that person and learn who they are.

Getting into committed relationships outside of marriage limits both your options and that of the person you're with, and that puts unfair restrictions on both of you.  And if that person takes it as an emotional commitment, but you decide to move on, well, you've just ripped out someone's heart.  Claiming an "open" relationship just allows one more selfish act: attachment without commitment.  The problem is that attachment stems from committing yourself to something deeper.  And committing yourself says that you're gonig to stick to something and not back out.  It peels away all of the things that hold real relationships together.  It goes from hammering two boards together, to snapping Legos together, and then from snapping Legos to stacking blocks.

Marriages are faltering in the United States not because marriage is flawed or obsolete, but because people have been treating them like Legos instead of nailed boards.  Disillusioned people are going the other way and reducing relationships to stacked blocks.  That works well enough for its purpose, but clearly, you're settling for something that's not on the same level, and I would argue something that's not as deep and fulfilling.  The way to restore marriage, however, is to train people to understand that marraiage is nailed boards, and to show how that differs - for good and ill - from Legos and blocks.  Different relationships require different building materials.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Master KChief on June 23, 2009, 10:03:30 PM
interesting points.

i've always understood that you should only get married if you want to give away half your stuff. :)
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Claude on June 23, 2009, 10:25:07 PM
It's a casual relationship... a friends with benefits type of thing. It's actually pretty cool
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Master KChief on June 23, 2009, 11:01:21 PM
no, fwb is exactly what you said...a casual relationship. you have to have a 'commited' relationship first to have an open relationship as well.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: The Schaef on June 23, 2009, 11:10:08 PM
It's a casual relationship... a friends with benefits type of thing. It's actually pretty cool

It's cool if serving your own desires is more important than serving the desires of others.

This is the poison that is contaminating meaningful relationships in modern society, marriage or otherwise: approaching them from the standpoint of what I get out of the deal.  A godly life is one of service and sacrifice, and godly relationships are built upon the way in which the best interests of the other person are the number one priority in your mind.  As much as this applies to all relationships, it applies more so to romantic ones, and infinitely more to marriages.

Loving someone enough to want to be with them isn't really all that hard.  I wonder how many people reading this post have ever loved someone so much that they would fight for someone other than themselves.  Someone better.  Someone deserving.  That's commitment.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Claude on June 24, 2009, 12:41:09 AM
I couldnt agree more.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: crustpope on June 24, 2009, 07:44:54 AM
It's a casual relationship... a friends with benefits type of thing. It's actually pretty cool

Then I assume you were joking about the "cool" part.  Unless you mean "cool" as in "the Frosty and bone Chilling emotional response from my partner when I tell her that I want to hook up with other chicks in a non-commital type of way."  If that is the case then, yeah, an open relationship is "cool"
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Claude on June 24, 2009, 10:50:47 AM
Why would u assume that? You know what they say if u assume
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: The Schaef on June 24, 2009, 12:08:05 PM
He assumes that because your previous two posts seem to contradict each other.  One of them would likely be sarcastic, and his assumption stemmed from the hope that your true feelings were more closely mapped to the sentiment that was concerned about the feelings of other people.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Claude on June 24, 2009, 03:51:03 PM
He assumes that because your previous two posts seem to contradict each other.  One of them would likely be sarcastic, and his assumption stemmed from the hope that your true feelings were more closely mapped to the sentiment that was concerned about the feelings of other people.
You would not know that unless he PMed you... you are assuming that that is what he is thinking, which chances are, you are right.. but you are still assuming.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: sk on June 24, 2009, 04:26:40 PM
Of course, you're assuming he wasn't PM'd, that his use of "assume" is the one in the dictionary, and that assuming is a bad thing.

It's not if it's reasonable.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: The Schaef on June 24, 2009, 05:08:06 PM
Agreed.  There's no universal law against reasonable assumptions based on the available facts.  It's when there is NO basis that they are dubious.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: crustpope on June 24, 2009, 05:42:59 PM
Schaef and I share the same mind so there was no need to PM.  He was dead on (of course he was, being linked to my mind in such a way as he is) in what I was trying to say.

If Irony is your thing, then smilies are your friends...especially this one ;)


BTW.  Since Schaef and I share the same mind, any criticisim or arguments you see me having with Schaef are actually the internal ramblings of our combined head.  We post them online just to throw you guys off.

Oh, and Schaef...Im hungry...but of course you know that.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Master KChief on June 24, 2009, 06:55:17 PM
and you probably already knew he told you to go make a sandwich or something. :)
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: The Schaef on June 24, 2009, 08:40:01 PM
It's my understanding that I wouldn't like him when he's... hungry.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Claude on June 25, 2009, 10:56:37 PM
It was not sarcasm.

And I did not say assuming is a bad thing. You assumed that.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: crustpope on June 25, 2009, 11:28:23 PM
It was not sarcasm.

And I did not say assuming is a bad thing. You assumed that.

Whatever dude, I have no idea what you mean because you are either literally advocating that an "open" realationship as described by the previous posts is a good thing, or you are being sarcastic.  Since you arent being sarcastic (as per your post) I can only conclude that "as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment" You'll be "sound as a pound"

So enjoy your hollow open relationships while I enjoy my truly fulfilling and satisfying monogamous relationship with my smokin hot wife.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: TimMierz on June 25, 2009, 11:50:08 PM
I enjoy my truly fulfilling and satisfying monogamous relationship with my smokin hot wife.

I thought only YMT had one of those!
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: crustpope on June 25, 2009, 11:50:56 PM
No he has a hot wife...mine is SMOKIN hot!   ;)
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Claude on June 25, 2009, 11:56:12 PM


Why would I enjoy my hollow open relationships? Who said I have one? Your putting words into my mouth.




No he has a hot wife...mine is SMOKIN hot!   ;)
Wow. That's a great way to speak to a lady... why dont you just call her toots?
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: crustpope on June 26, 2009, 12:04:30 AM

Why would I enjoy my hollow open relationships? Who said I have one? Your putting words into my mouth.

Umm no I am not.  I said you can enjoy your ....blah blah blah.  I didnt say you currently had one to enjoy.  I am not putting words in your mouth...unless they are your words (see your quote below)

It's a casual relationship... a friends with benefits type of thing. It's actually pretty cool

No he has a hot wife...mine is SMOKIN hot!   ;)

Quote
Wow. That's a great way to speak to a lady... why dont you just call her toots?

You are assuming I dont  ;).


Seriously, I have no idea how to take you any more.  You are a complete conundrum to me.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Colin Michael on June 26, 2009, 12:08:45 AM
Why are open relationships necessarily more shallow than committed relationships?

On the contrary, committed relationships are often built on lies and thus are usually found out to be shallow post hoc.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: CountFount on June 26, 2009, 12:35:08 AM
Why are open relationships necessarily more shallow than committed relationships?

On the contrary, committed relationships are often built on lies and thus are usually found out to be shallow post hoc.

Man was created in the image of God. The purpose of man being created was to have immortality and eternal life. Christ reflected this effort of God for man. Thus Christ is the way, the truth and the life. He defines all three and they define him. Our efforts as Christians, followers of Christ, is to follow him. Make decisions about our life, how we live them, based upon his way, his truth and his life. To make decisions based upon another standard, such as how man fails to fulfill divine institutions and plans, is to have a standard other than Christ. It is plain from the word of God that Christ doesn't advocate this behavior.

Now having said that. You are not to trust in the arm of flesh, man. There is a much more exciting and fulfilling path. The path of discovery in the word of God. Seek out the answers there.

James 1:5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
6 but let him ask in faith, nothing wavering; for he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
7 For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord.

You have received sincere testimonies of well intentioned brothers in this fellowship, but the testimony and answers you seek will be made strong as you seek from the Lord and see the multitude of witnesses which the word of God can give you. Consider the pain you see in the patterns of the stories of Polygamy in the Bible (Open relationships to you and me). Nations born out of this pattern of behavior, which now thousands of years later have evolved to war (Arabs and Jews).

Pray about it, Study and be blessed. My prayers are with you.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Colin Michael on June 26, 2009, 12:41:39 AM
Well, since Jesus was never sought female companionship (as far as we know), I don't see any relevance. You seem to be making your argument from your beliefs, assuming that they are the beliefs of everyone else, rather than making an argument for your beliefs.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: The Schaef on June 26, 2009, 06:30:05 AM
It was not sarcasm.

Then we're back to the fact that you contradicted yourself in saying that open relationships are cool, and then agreeing with me in criticizing them.

Quote
Why would I enjoy my hollow open relationships?

Because you specifically said they were pretty cool.

Quote
And I did not say assuming is a bad thing. You assumed that.

It was a reasonable assumption based on your implication.  And I think we've all had enough of this tangent.

Why are open relationships necessarily more shallow than committed relationships?

I gave some rather extensive commentary explaining my thoughts on this, I think the conversation would be better served to move forward from that point rather than asking me to repeat what I've already explained in detail.

Quote
On the contrary, committed relationships are often built on lies and thus are usually found out to be shallow post hoc.

I would submit that if you're lying, then you're not making a real commitment to that person.  This seems like a meager attempt to marginalize the idea of the committed relationship by focusing on the noncommittal actions of some.  That's like saying atheists are better human beings than Christians because some people do the "church routine" without having a conversion event or genuinely engaging God.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: CountFount on June 26, 2009, 08:38:07 AM
Well, since Jesus was never sought female companionship (as far as we know), I don't see any relevance. You seem to be making your argument from your beliefs, assuming that they are the beliefs of everyone else, rather than making an argument for your beliefs.

Christ is in a continual search for female companionship and it is not open to any another female.

(Revelation 19:5-9)
5 And a voice came out of the throne, saying, Praise our God, all ye his servants, and ye that fear him, both small and great.
6 And I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude, and as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of mighty thunderings, saying, Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth.
7 Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.
8 And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.
9 And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.

He is the pattern for how we find our companions and our care for them.

(Ephesians 5:25-33)
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it (it not them);
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. 

Remember, I am not trying to talk you out of your desires but I am trying to get you to search the word of God.

(Matthew 4:4)
4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

Try to base your beliefs on the word of God rather than what is becoming popular in this world. God Bless your search. :)
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Claude on June 26, 2009, 09:38:28 AM
It was not sarcasm.

Then we're back to the fact that you contradicted yourself in saying that open relationships are cool, and then agreeing with me in criticizing them.

 how?


Quote
Quote
Why would I enjoy my hollow open relationships?

Because you specifically said they were pretty cool.

I think fire is cool... would I enjoy burning?
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Colin Michael on June 26, 2009, 01:29:59 PM
I don't believe the Bible is the word of God, so that argument doesn't really work for me.

Also, Christ's metaphorical wife is not equivocal to a twenty-first century American dating experience except in that we are to love our wives as he loves the church (us). A liberal/progressive translation could equivocate this to dating, but even this would not promote monogamous dating.


Quote
I would submit that if you're lying, then you're not making a real commitment to that person.  This seems like a meager attempt to marginalize the idea of the committed relationship by focusing on the noncommittal actions of some.  That's like saying atheists are better human beings than Christians because some people do the "church routine" without having a conversion event or genuinely engaging God.

I wasn't making a universal at all, I was merely speaking from both potential and experience. Because of both of these in combination, I've developed a general distrust of people in committed relationships. Thus, the attraction to a relationship where everything is out in the open and "free".

Suppose someone grew up in a charismatic church which they later realised was built on lies and self-deception. Could those people be blamed for going to a liturgical church and embracing the routine? (True story, my brother and I were both there and did.)
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: CountFount on June 26, 2009, 01:35:22 PM
I don't believe the Bible is the word of God, so that argument doesn't really work for me.

I feel bad for you. You are missing out on a great opportunity to search and prove it through the ministry of the Holy Spirit. I will pray for you.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Colin Michael on June 26, 2009, 01:38:34 PM
I don't believe the Bible is the word of God, so that argument doesn't really work for me.

I feel bad for you. You are missing out on a great opportunity to search and prove it through the ministry of the Holy Spirit. I will pray for you.

I have a college-level Bible education and have been raised by a family in the ministry. I've read it and tested it pretty well, I think.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Cameron the Conqueror on June 26, 2009, 01:41:08 PM
and that means you are qualified that state that the Bible is untrue?  No, that is your opinion.  The fact that you have an education doesn't mean you understand or know it.  Does your family agree with you?
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: CountFount on June 26, 2009, 01:47:52 PM
I try to limit my advice on life's path to the bible. My personal advice is meaningless in the big scope. Nice to know where you stand.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Colin Michael on June 26, 2009, 01:48:48 PM
and that means you are qualified that state that the Bible is untrue?  No, that is your opinion.  The fact that you have an education doesn't mean you understand or know it.  Does your family agree with you?
First of all, I did not say that the Bible is untrue, I simply said that I do not believe it to be divinely authoured or inerrant. In response to this CountFount made the argument that the Bible proves itself when tested. To respond to this, I provided an ethos by citing my education and family background (showing that I have had experience "testing" it). The fact that I have a Bible education does mean that I understand and know it. Isn't it a given that someone educated about a matter will have a better understanding or knowledge about it than someone uneducated about it? And yes, this is my opinion; however, it is an educated opinion, which trumps and uneducated opinion.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Cameron the Conqueror on June 26, 2009, 01:50:43 PM
So you only believe that parts of the Bible are true.  Or do you believe it all is?
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Colin Michael on June 26, 2009, 01:52:36 PM
So you only believe that parts of the Bible are true.  Or do you believe it all is?
I don't believe that everything is necessarily true or false.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Alex_Olijar on June 26, 2009, 02:02:45 PM
No, that is your opinion.

Please remember this the next time we discuss a controversial issue based on tradition.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Cameron the Conqueror on June 26, 2009, 02:04:30 PM
2 Timothy 3:16-17, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

How do you decide what parts you believe in?  By going verse by verse and saying "This agrees", "This agrees", "This doesn't agree, throw it out"?  How can you justify in your mind that the parts you don't agree with (E.G. 2 Tim 3:16-17) must be the ones wrong or incorrect?  I would be interested in how you think about it.


Psalm 119:43:
 43 Do not snatch the word of truth from my mouth,
       for I have put my hope in your laws.



No, that is your opinion.

Please remember this the next time we discuss a controversial issue based on tradition.
Did I not?  I'm fine with whoever having whatever opinions they want, but that doesn't mean I won't discuss them.....
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Colin Michael on June 26, 2009, 02:06:12 PM
I'll be happy to discuss it over pm's or AIM.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Alex_Olijar on June 26, 2009, 02:13:18 PM
There's plenty of people on these boards who hold onto opinions as biblical truth.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: The Schaef on June 26, 2009, 07:15:20 PM
Quote
Then we're back to the fact that you contradicted yourself in saying that open relationships are cool, and then agreeing with me in criticizing them.
how?

This question makes no sense.  The post you quoted IS the how.

Quote
I think fire is cool... would I enjoy burning?

So you only enjoy it when other people burn, but not when you burn?  I mean, as long as you are going to equate the analogy strictly with people being on fire or not, we might as well take the unreasonable comparison the whole way.

A liberal/progressive translation could equivocate this to dating, but even this would not promote monogamous dating.

I know I'm pulling this out of a response to someone else, but if you look closely at my explanation, you will see that I did not advocate monogamous dating in lieu of open relationships.  The point being that this is not a binary choice.

Quote
I wasn't making a universal at all, I was merely speaking from both potential and experience. Because of both of these in combination, I've developed a general distrust of people in committed relationships.

I don't see the "potential" in a lack of commitment.  I'm sorry that you distrust people in committed relationships on the mere basis of them being in a committed relationship, but I'm more prone to distrust people who want to acquire a benefit without paying the cost.  That carries a strong implication of where their priorities lie and that does not bode well when you find yourself in dire need.

Quote
Thus, the attraction to a relationship where everything is out in the open and "free".

Quote
Suppose someone grew up in a charismatic church which they later realised was built on lies and self-deception. Could those people be blamed for going to a liturgical church and embracing the routine? (True story, my brother and I were both there and did.)

I don't see how that's relevant.  Nobody wants to be deceived.  But your example correlates more closely with leaving a relationship with a liar and engaging in a similar relationship with an honest person.  You are still making a commitment (a stronger commitment, I would propose, based on the stricter traditions), but doing so within a context where you want that trust to be rewarded/repaid in kind.  That's not the same thing as going from a relationship where you are committed to a relationship where there are no stated expectations of commitment but still a desire to take that relationship to the depths that are reached when people actually sacrifice for each other rather than look out for themselves.

I have a college-level Bible education and have been raised by a family in the ministry. I've read it and tested it pretty well, I think.

There's no question that you're well-read and very clever.  But your penchant for dismissing things out of hand that don't suit your worldview causes me to question the level of confidence you enjoy in the certainty of your conclusions.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Claude on June 27, 2009, 02:14:16 PM
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Then we're back to the fact that you contradicted yourself in saying that open relationships are cool, and then agreeing with me in criticizing them.
how?

This question makes no sense.  The post you quoted IS the how.
No. That reply makes no sense.

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I think fire is cool... would I enjoy burning?

So you only enjoy it when other people burn, but not when you burn?  I mean, as long as you are going to equate the analogy strictly with people being on fire or not, we might as well take the unreasonable comparison the whole way.
Please do not put words into my mouth.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: The Schaef on June 27, 2009, 06:02:07 PM
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Then we're back to the fact that you contradicted yourself in saying that open relationships are cool, and then agreeing with me in criticizing them.
No. That reply makes no sense.

It makes perfect sense.  Look at it again.  The contradiction is that a). you said they are cool (which is what I posted above, and exactly what you said), and that you agreed with me when I was critical of them (again, that's what I said above, and it's exactly what you said previously).  Explain what it is about that which makes no sense to you.

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Please do not put words into my mouth.

You first.  Or better yet, move off the bad analogy and back to the real subject.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Claude on June 28, 2009, 07:34:55 AM
Just because I said it's cool and I agreed with you it doesnt mean it's contradictory.


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Please do not put words into my mouth.

You first.  Or better yet, move off the bad analogy and back to the real subject.


Woah woah, I'd appreciate it if you do not insinuate that i am dumb for not being able to give a good English analogy just because I'm Asian.
(https://www.cactusforums.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcactusgamedesign.com%2Fmessage_boards%2FThemes%2Fdefault%2Fimages%2Fwarnpmod.gif&hash=bc306538caeb0188fb1ccfe476add81c7473f295) Stop dragging topics all over the place with non sequitirs
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: Ironica on June 28, 2009, 08:32:34 AM
Just because I said it's cool and I agreed with you it doesnt mean it's contradictory.


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Please do not put words into my mouth.

You first.  Or better yet, move off the bad analogy and back to the real subject.


Woah woah, I'd appreciate it if you do not insinuate that i am dumb for not being able to give a good English analogy just because I'm Asian.

Ummm....I see not even a hint that he was being racist to you.  He was just saying to try and not use a bad analogy.  Your race card has been negated :P.
Title: Re: So what exactly is an open relationship?
Post by: The Schaef on June 28, 2009, 08:54:43 AM
Just because I said it's cool and I agreed with you it doesnt mean it's contradictory.

That's exactly what it means.  Either explain why it's not or get off this rabbit trail.

Woah woah, I'd appreciate it if you do not insinuate that i am dumb for not being able to give a good English analogy just because I'm Asian.

Forget it.  I've had enough of this.
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