Cactus Game Design Message Boards
Open Forum => Off-Topic => Topic started by: lightningninja on May 22, 2009, 02:48:42 PM
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So we were given an option to write a poem instead of a paper... ;D Thought you guys might enjoy it.
We snuck out at night as the clouds shed us tears
Loving words from our lips graced each other's ears
The dark of the night seemed to swallow our fears
The light in our eyes seemed to add to our years
Forever seemed short when we were together
We wanted our love to last longer than forever
Every smile on your lips meant another smile passed
And with ever bitter sweet memory we knew it could never last
Summer became winter, winter turned to spring
The fire in your eyes turned sad as if dreaming
I knew you must leave, but I try to pretend
That again we shall meet, and be lovers and friends
So whenever I see a rose on the ground
I think back to someplace, my childhood town
The details are faint, and the memories few
But the thing I'll remember most is the time spent with you
Thoughts? :)
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The problem with having such an anapestic structure is that it sounds sing-songy when consistent and garbled when not.
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The problem with having such an anapestic structure is that it sounds sing-songy when consistent and garbled when not.
+1 It needs a good scructure. The whole first paragraph is the same ryme.
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Another thing that could improve it is to shy away from AABB (or even AAAA in one case) rhyme scheme. Even ABAB sounds worlds better.
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Another thing that could improve it is to shy away from AABB (or even AAAA in one case) rhyme scheme. Even ABAB sounds worlds better.
When writing poems, I use ABABABABABABAA
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You are correct... it is made to be a song. ;D We had to write a song/poem. ;)