Cactus Game Design Message Boards

Open Forum => Off-Topic => Topic started by: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 05:58:11 PM

Title: Jokes.
Post by: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 05:58:11 PM: A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain instead. You're now a drummer".

A man goes to a pacific island for vacation. As the boat nears, he notices the constant sound of drumming. As he gets off the boat, he asks a native how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when drumming stops."
Later that day, the drumming is still going and it is really starting to get to him. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been spooked. "Very bad when drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.

After a couple of days with little sleep, the man had had enough. He grabbed the first native he saw, slammed him up against a tree, and shouted, "What happens when the drumming stops?!"

The native replied, "Bass solo."

St. Peter was checking ID's at the pearly gates. He asks the first man, "What did you do on Earth?" The man replied, "I was a doctor." St. Peter says, "OK, go right through those two shiny gates to your left.

"Next person! What did you do on Earth?" , "I was a school teacher."
"OK, ..through those two gates and to the left.

"Next! ..And what did you do on Earth?" . "Oh, I was a musician."
"All right, go around to the back door, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen and..."

A customer walks into the brand new store downtown that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering gray brain. The first one says "SCIENTIST", and it costs $100. The second says "ELECTRICIAN" and costs $1000. The third says "DRUMMER" and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson.
"I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an scientist's brain for $100?".

The salesman replied, "Because, it's never been used."

Two cowboys were waiting in their bunkers for the Indians to attack. They listened to the distant pounding war drums.
One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums."
Just then, an Indian voice came over the hill, "It's not our usual drummer!"
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: WillBake on July 24, 2009, 06:03:12 PM: what is the difference between chuck norris and a plum? one of them is purple and the other one is chuck norris.

what did tarzan say when chuck norris was running toward the jungle? look out a plum! tarzan is colorblind
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: sk on July 24, 2009, 06:25:03 PM: I took a "Music in Film" class last year with a man whose daughter was to marry a drummer. He had many drummer jokes...

What's the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Why did the bassist break the car window?
The drummer was locked inside.

What did the drummer say to the band before they fired him?
"Hey guys, let's record some of my songs!"

How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.

Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me either.

Why are drummers always losing their watches?
Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time.

What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
One will mature and make money.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 06:30:19 PM: What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer
What do you do when your bass player is drowning?
Throw him his amp.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: EmJayBee83 on July 24, 2009, 06:42:19 PM: Q. What's the difference between a chain saw and a viola?
A. You can play music with a chain saw.

Q: What is the requirement for a finalist in the International Viola Competition?
A: A finalist must be able to hold his Viola from memory.

Q. How do you stop a busload of violists from going over a cliff?
A. You don't.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 06:53:55 PM: Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. Five days later after suffering through excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 06:54:57 PM: Quote from: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 06:53:55 PM
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. Five days later after suffering through excruciating pain, the cobra died.
This is music jokes, not Chuck Norris jokes.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: WillBake on July 24, 2009, 06:56:48 PM: we can make chuck norris jokes if we want and we should or else you know why... Chuck Norris will find us
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 07:00:46 PM: Quote from: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 06:54:57 PM
Quote from: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 06:53:55 PM
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. Five days later after suffering through excruciating pain, the cobra died.
This is music jokes, not Chuck Norris jokes.

Colin, YOU are a music joke.

Oh, burned.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 07:05:31 PM: Quote from: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 07:00:46 PM
Quote from: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 06:54:57 PM
Quote from: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 06:53:55 PM
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. Five days later after suffering through excruciating pain, the cobra died.
This is music jokes, not Chuck Norris jokes.

Colin, YOU are a music joke.

Oh, burned.
Learn an instrument and then tell me that.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: drb1200 on July 24, 2009, 07:07:22 PM: Quote from: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 07:05:31 PM
Quote from: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 07:00:46 PM
Quote from: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 06:54:57 PM
Quote from: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 06:53:55 PM
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. Five days later after suffering through excruciating pain, the cobra died.
This is music jokes, not Chuck Norris jokes.

Colin, YOU are a music joke.

Oh, burned.
Learn an instrument and then tell me that.
I can play a Choctaw Flute. Does that make me a musician?
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 07:08:51 PM: Quote from: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 07:05:31 PM
Quote from: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 07:00:46 PM
Quote from: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 06:54:57 PM
Quote from: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 06:53:55 PM
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. Five days later after suffering through excruciating pain, the cobra died.
This is music jokes, not Chuck Norris jokes.

Colin, YOU are a music joke.

Oh, burned.
Learn an instrument and then tell me that.

I think I'll pass.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: sk on July 24, 2009, 07:11:59 PM: Huh, I can play the piano, steel drums, and oboe...

Quote from: Lawfuldog on July 24, 2009, 07:00:46 PM
Colin, YOU are a music joke.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 07:16:17 PM: I guarantee anyone on the boards that I can play any instrument better than they can.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Red Dragon Thorn on July 24, 2009, 07:16:52 PM: Contra-Bass Saxophone.

You're on.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: YourMathTeacher on July 24, 2009, 07:24:12 PM: RDT, that was another one of Colin's music jokes.... remember the title of the thread. ;)
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Red Dragon Thorn on July 24, 2009, 07:25:46 PM: As, was the fact that I play the Contra-Bass Sax, ;) I do play the Baritone Sax though.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 07:28:08 PM: Quote from: Red Dragon Thorn on July 24, 2009, 07:16:52 PM
Contra-Bass Saxophone.

You're on.
Done deal. I taught my cousin to play the saxophone, I'm sure I could pick up the contra bass sax in no time at all, and be better at it than you.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Red Dragon Thorn on July 24, 2009, 07:32:37 PM: The trick isn't playing it, the trick is having the immediate air support, If I gave you a month I sure you could play it.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 07:38:14 PM: Quote from: Red Dragon Thorn on July 24, 2009, 07:32:37 PM
The trick isn't playing it, the trick is having the immediate air support, If I gave you a month I sure you could play it.
Well, since you don't play the contra bass, I stand by my claim. (Since I assumed you didn't play it and I could pick it up faster).
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Red Dragon Thorn on July 24, 2009, 07:53:10 PM: Touche.

I would think that I could pick it up just as fast because of the fact that I actually do play saxophone....
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 07:56:06 PM: Quote from: Red Dragon Thorn on July 24, 2009, 07:53:10 PM
Touche.

I would think that I could pick it up just as fast because of the fact that I actually do play saxophone....
But I teach saxophone.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Red Dragon Thorn on July 24, 2009, 08:02:32 PM: You know what they say, those who cannot do teach. those who cannot teach play drums.

^^
1 1 See what I did there ;)
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 08:07:52 PM: Quote from: Red Dragon Thorn on July 24, 2009, 08:02:32 PM
You know what they say, those who cannot do teach. those who cannot teach play drums.
Touche.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: JSB23 on July 24, 2009, 10:24:57 PM: Quote from: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 07:16:17 PM
I guarantee anyone on the boards that I can play any instrument better than they can.

You're on! Violas at dawn.

Q. What's the difference between a viola and a lawn mower?
A. A lawn mower can blend in with a string quartet.

Q. Why do violists always gather on the front stoop?
A. Because violists are never certain when to come in.

[More from mjb]
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 10:51:30 PM: Quote from: JSB23 on July 24, 2009, 10:24:57 PM
Quote from: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 07:16:17 PM
I guarantee anyone on the boards that I can play any instrument better than they can.

You're on! Violas at dawn.
Done deal.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: YourMathTeacher on July 24, 2009, 11:23:29 PM: The real question is whether you could play a musicians deck better than anyone on these boards. ;)
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Warrior_Monk on July 24, 2009, 11:37:03 PM: speaking of music, I can now get TFKrocks44's songs up on the boards... I'll have to have him record that next time I see him...

usually, all of our music jokes were directed at the tuba player... or the conductor.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Prof Underwood on July 25, 2009, 12:13:12 AM: Quote from: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 07:16:17 PM
I guarantee anyone on the boards that I can play any instrument better than they can.
And I guarantee anyone on the boards that they cannot beat me in a head-to-head match of Tetris at spogg.com

What exactly is the purpose of these statements of bragging?
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: FresnoRedemption on July 25, 2009, 12:50:37 AM: Quote from: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 07:16:17 PM
I guarantee anyone on the boards that I can play any instrument better than they can.

I'll put my skills on clarinet up against yours any day of the week. [/nerdiness factor]

This joke actually made me cry the first time I heard it:

What is the difference between an onion and a clarinet?
No one cries when you chop up the clarinet.

I actually have an epic joke that only music majors will truly understand. I'll locate it and then post it here.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: LukeSnyder on July 25, 2009, 01:03:09 AM: I've been playing drums for 14 years, and I represent this thread. I mean, resent.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Colin Michael on July 25, 2009, 01:35:23 AM: Quote from: LukeSnyder on July 25, 2009, 01:03:09 AM
I've been playing drums for 14 years, and I represent this thread. I mean, resent.
What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: LukeSnyder on July 25, 2009, 09:38:27 AM: Quote from: Colin Michael on July 25, 2009, 01:35:23 AM
Quote from: LukeSnyder on July 25, 2009, 01:03:09 AM
I've been playing drums for 14 years, and I represent this thread. I mean, resent.
What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?

Ooh! I know this one... umm, oh yeah! An indie guitarist?
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Colin Michael on July 25, 2009, 10:50:56 AM: Quote from: LukeSnyder on July 25, 2009, 09:38:27 AM
Quote from: Colin Michael on July 25, 2009, 01:35:23 AM
Quote from: LukeSnyder on July 25, 2009, 01:03:09 AM
I've been playing drums for 14 years, and I represent this thread. I mean, resent.
What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?

Ooh! I know this one... umm, oh yeah! An indie guitarist?
No, that'd be a drummer.

...To think that someone would think that only guitarists on a major label are good.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: christiangamer25 on July 25, 2009, 11:02:22 AM: lol this thread is funny
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: EmJayBee83 on July 25, 2009, 12:03:07 PM: Quote from: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 10:51:30 PM
Quote from: JSB23 on July 24, 2009, 10:24:57 PM
Quote from: Colin Michael on July 24, 2009, 07:16:17 PM
I guarantee anyone on the boards that I can play any instrument better than they can.

You're on! Violas at dawn.
Done deal.
Then I've already won.

Q: How is a viola like global thermonuclear war?
A. The only winning move is not to play.

I get double wyn points for quoting Wargames.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: LukeSnyder on July 25, 2009, 12:21:01 PM: Quote from: Colin Michael on July 25, 2009, 10:50:56 AM
No, that'd be a drummer.

...To think that someone would think that only guitarists on a major label are good.

Haha, I'm just messing dude. I only said it because I know the real joke :D And I'll take you on with your instrument challenge. Drum off, right now. Lets see... I only have one video of me doing any drum tracking, so it will have to suffice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_V-Th5OiKI# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_V-Th5OiKI#)

There you go, cover it. By the way, thats a reeeaaly easy song to play. I wrote a pretty minimalistic drum part. I've been a death metaller for quite some time now.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Colin Michael on July 25, 2009, 12:24:14 PM: Not bad. I'd hire you for a band. How are you miking that?

I'm currently learning to drum to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uev2J_cBHjQ# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uev2J_cBHjQ#)
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: LukeSnyder on July 25, 2009, 02:48:33 PM: I actually didn't use the live audio track, I used the original audio, which is sampled. I don't have an interface, so recording for a song is out of the question now :P

And thats a pretty decent drum part to learn. 7/4 is a fun sig to play after you get the feel.

Hmm, and as far as a harder song to play... here's one I just picked up. Can't keep the whole thing clean yet, but whatever. Those triplets are hard to play with the slow hand part.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg2NGDTJ36g# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg2NGDTJ36g#)
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Sean on July 26, 2009, 09:04:14 AM: Why doesn't Piglet have any friends?

Spoiler (hover to show)
Because he always plays with Pooh.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Warrior_Monk on July 26, 2009, 08:08:43 PM: ok, anybody else think that all blonde jokes should become drummer jokes?
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: Colin Michael on July 27, 2009, 10:46:57 AM: Quote from: Colin Michael on July 25, 2009, 12:24:14 PM
Not bad. I'd hire you for a band. How are you miking that?

I'm currently learning to drum to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uev2J_cBHjQ# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uev2J_cBHjQ#)
Got it this morning. Now to go get my wisdom teeth out.
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: happyjosiah on July 27, 2009, 10:58:53 AM: What did the drummer get on his SAT?

Drool.

By the way, I've been a drummer for most of my life as well. :)
Title: Re: Jokes.
Post by: WillBake on August 02, 2009, 07:54:24 PM: once a drummer went to sears and asked the cashier if he could buy some bogos over by the garden supplies and the cashier said youre obviously a drummer because those are garbage cans